i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
