i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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