your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
