I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
