At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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