My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
