Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize