First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize