I wish I could teleport
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
