I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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