Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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