what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize