He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
