she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
