so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
3pm strippers are depressing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
