i barfeds in our rink
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
