2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize