yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
