They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
