Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have tasted many bathrooms
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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