Dual....:-)
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize