one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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