Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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