One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
