I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We are all done wearing pants today
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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