wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
