I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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