i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
