You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
