DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
