If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
