I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
