He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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