i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
