Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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