You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize