so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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