so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
