I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
