mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
