Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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