Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
