Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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