I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
