I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
