after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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