hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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