she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
