I cut my penus on the lid.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
