I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
