I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
