I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
