there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
