Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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