I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
