i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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