Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
