My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize