Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
