It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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