so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
