omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
