just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
