I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
