do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
