Welp...herpes.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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