Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
